katerina,

review: FW23, SS24

jul 8, 2024

review

## how to bloom in the muddiest swamps i'd like to set the atmosphere with a metaphor i came across in may, during a usual conversation about how the current software stack is a ball of mud. i was immediately interested about what can grow in it, if anything, and it ended up being the lotus, a flower filled with so many symbolic meanings. a few excerpts that especially caught my attention: > The lotus flower, a symbol of awakening in Buddhist and other spiritual traditions, blooms in the muckiest, muddiest swamps. > Growing naturally in ponds, the lotus starts out rooted deep in mud and scum. In order to blossom, it must make its way through the murky water until it finally breaks the surface. In time it emerges and blooms in the sun, beautiful and whole. > Because of its unique transformation, the lotus has long been regarded as a symbol of enlightenment, purity, rebirth, and triumph over obstacles. > Two aspects of the lotus flower set it apart. The first is that it blooms in muddy waters. And second, when it blossoms, it simultaneously plants a seed. From the Buddhist perspective both aspects represent a fundamental truth of life. > It is thought to be the only plant that simultaneously produces both flower (cause) and seed-pod (effect). This unique trait is used to indicate the Buddhist principle of simultaneity of cause and effect. this years review is about focusing on growing in muddy swamps, trying and failing, preparing the conditions, cultivating the soil, dealing with unexpected external factors. i'm scattering images of the lotus plant in between the words as a reminder, for me and anyone reading. https://www.are.na/block/10696584 ## what's new here on the site - images and excerpts on this page are embeded via our [are.na embed tool](https://github.com/xvburak/arena-embed), simple tool for connecting blocks from are.na to html pages - while sharing links to my are.na channels, i'm also trying to link to our [are.na reader tool](https://scroll-arena.vercel.app/) for listing content from channels onto a html page; i'd like to replace existing scripts with the updated one once i'm in the coding mood again - i made a [subsite](https://kytica.katerina.today/) for my kytica project ('kytica' means flower bouquet in the local dialect), truly a work in progress i probably need to completely rewrite soon - [basic.css](https://communal.software/stylesheets/basic.css) is a css file we're making collaborativelly for our [communal.software](https://communal.software/) sites, it's based on a css file i'm reusing everywhere, but polished and simplified, trying to implement it here slowly - is the constant state of things just... wanting to rewrite and re-do own projects forever? https://www.are.na/block/29182933 selected blocks from my [review: FW23, SS24](https://www.are.na/katerina/review-fw23-ss24) channel: https://www.are.na/block/28503071

https://www.are.na/block/28498087

https://www.are.na/block/28498088 ## various [nodal points](https://www.are.na/editorial/on-motivation) i came across, sorted by ~month **𓍯**

july:

august:

september:

everyday utopia

october:

margiela (replica), bayo akomolafe (podcast, on slowing down in urgent times), urbit assembly

november:

traditions, folklore, rituals, gardening (research)

december:

mental hellth (newsletter), peak seasonal depression, pmdd research, lost connections (book), aaron swartz, andrea zittel

january:

the necessity of gardening (book), christopher alexander

february:

ivan illich, margiela (general attitude)

march:

archizoom and global tools; xxiivv and life on a boat; weaving (software); masanobu fukuoka

april:

derek jarman, charli xcx, gardening (practice)

may:

jeong kwan, christopher alexander

june:

a sense of rebellion (podcast); ecology, tools & toys (group); categorization

july:

---------- ## the soil conditions i’ll start right at the end of october, when i went to lisbon for the urbit assembly. i was quite interested about the atmosphere, how varied would the people be (or not), how i'd feel as a non-tech person between those people and also, how would an event that's basically self-promoting look like (i don't normally visit events like this). and have to say after all of it i still believe in what urbit aims to be in its core. i think it’s quite useful to consider tlon and urbit as two separate projects having it’s own goals, and while tlon is now on it’s way to ~normiefication (?), i’d say, i still believe there’s nothing that would come as close to designing from first principles of what does a computer mean and can do, than urbit (or i haven’t heard of it yet). i made a [channel](https://www.are.na/agdx-sdmoaxv8apq/urbit-assembly-lisboa) reader with bookmarks for me and my peers. from warm lisbon i came back to gloomy winter weather, which created a fitting background to an even bigger spiralling downfall than the one i wrote about in september. i don't want to sound too melodramatic but i wanted to feel grounded so desperately but saw ~nothing. on top of it, our community software sessions fell apart for different reasons (christmas and the end of semester being factors too). i know that this period of intensive thinking and especially having time for it will probably be important looking back one day, but it doesn't really help in living through it. https://www.are.na/block/17291493 i am at peace with what i'm doing (and will do) won’t be ideal at first, but can't really come to terms with that the conditions won't be either. i think i have quite strong opinions on so many things that it leaves almost no space for compromise and me not feeling drained and feeling like i’m betraying myself. which maybe, i admit, sounds like a bad thing? and that i, just maybe, should lower the standards of the things and values i find important, because that’s just how the world, resp. society, works. the truth is, most of the things i’m doing are openly rage-powered (: and i’m feeling it all starts to come together slowly, in a non-linear manner. i’m finding comfort in projects focusing on exploring life and living, like anything andrea zittel does outside of a gallery space. to this party i’m probably also very late, but i believe these things are finding me in the right time. ## germinating for the forseeable summer is maybe, a bit paradoxically, the most focused period of the year for `communal-software.axdx`. for the last 2 years we managed to meet ~every week, generating a lot of useful and meaningful momentums and data. i feel like it can seem like nothing's happening, but i believe it's more of a slow fermentation process where things are starting to come together. https://www.are.na/block/25690356 ## on feeling hopeless, again and always all of the members are doing `axdx` activities on the side of their lives and jobs. i wanted to take this past year to really do it as my main thing and gently push it all at the same time, but quickly realised it's not possible. the biggest part of the effort has to be shared. what is my place then? should i spent many years feeling crushed by a career i actually don't want at all, have no time for things i actually feel like i need to be doing and then, when something changes, spend another idk how many years just to get out of that same career in which i’m officially hooked by then? the conclusion for me is that i have to make peace with the fact that we’re different people with different personal life contexts, and different capacities (and personal solutions) for dealing with problems and injustices, my capacities for handling these are very poor, sadly. https://www.are.na/block/22316582 https://www.are.na/block/29139550 it’s all quite ironic because on one hand i’m crying most days, but on the other i’m still maintaining quite high levels of naivity and hope? i don't know how exactly it works and what my brain and body have to do to deal with this roller-coaster duality, but maybe it’s time to acknowledge it’s even happening. i think it means loneliness by default, which is another thing i’ve been dealing with, even though it seems quite stupid? one part of me is thinking the optimal conditions would be if i was completely independent, doing things mainly for myself, not caring too much if anyone joins or not, on the other i think the interdependence is totally evident, especially in today's hyperindividualistic world, and building something on this premise seems like the only way to do anything meaningful. but how, if i’m feeling so alone in it sometimes? reading a book about depression and anti-depressants which emphasises lack of meaningful jobs and support communities is not particularly helpful when you’re battling exactly that. i don't know why other people's life decisions have the potential to crush me so much, why can't i just mind my own thing? should i be able to just ignore it and don't let it so close to me? i've started to notice it while i was in the last years of studying, i’d come home from a meet with almost anyone and just went into spiral about how i’m not understanding anything anymore, it was (and still is) really hard to calm my mind about it. it’s not about the people in particular and it’s not even personal, it’s just me trying to understand what i don’t want in my life, but with an asset of a rich imagination. sometimes i suspect i’m experiencing second hand burn out, just from listening to other people talk about their lives and jobs. at the same time i’m feeling hopeless because i’m not seeing a single solution or a way out of the system that i could manage on my own. i can decode why people are doing certain things and making their decisions, but i don't really understand it on a deeper level. these thoughts just marinated in my head through winter, while i was still keeping up with my research. while discussing authorship, rights and access to materials and information on our agdx discord server, i revisited aaron swartz and fell into a rabbit hole for a few days – watched documentaries (internet’s own boy and killswitch), read and re-read his old posts and essays and listened to a deep-dive podcast episode. i wasn't around while anything of it was happening but it gets me emotional every time i revisit it. not in a hero-glorifying way, just re-living how unjust the system can be hits me, and fuels my general rage levels. it made me think about what could be the ideal conditions for a person to just live and learn in this system when at the same time not having faith in a centralized system change anymore… and simply wanting the system to just… not exist? https://www.are.na/block/19331898 last year when i was in italy, i spend a lot of time imagining when and how i could live in the future, thinking about building something on my own, what are my true needs and desires, too. it comes from a place of naivity as anything else i’m coming up with to be honest, but it seems meaningful and practical in it’s own way nonetheless. one of the nodal points in this area was a book by masanobu fukuoka called one straw revolution. the quote that stood out to me the most was that if you leave nature in belief that it will help itself, after being already disturbed by the human activity, it's an abandonment. in order to practice non-doing in terms of natural farming, for example, you’re first responsible to help the soil and the whole ecosystem to heal. i take this logic into any aspect of my life. preparing the conditions first is an imporant part of any solution, activity or even a relationship issue. not seeing it, to me anyway, means abandoning something or someone. ## growing roots slowly when i was thinking about what i could do to make a living somehow, i was overwhelmed with the fact that anything is just making people do, buy or use stuff they probably don't need while being exploited at the same time. while i’m now spending a lot of time in the countryside, in a region rich in folklore and traditions, i wanted to try reconnecting with it. learn more about local rituals and symbolic objects accompanying them, about weddings and funerals, how the time and the seasons come into place, and it started to interconnect slowly. to take care about, grow, harvest and gather plants and flowers, vegetables and fruits, herbs and mushrooms with respect to the place, soil, labour, the climate and the seasons is something that makes deep sense to me and i’d love it to be a big part of my living. it connects my research [about time](https://www.are.na/katerina/about-time-w051x1te6ma) reader; interest in rituals and their connections to [minds and bodies](https://www.are.na/katerina/about-minds-and-bodies) reader; enjoyment of [gardening, plants and flowers](https://www.are.na/katerina/about-gardening-plants-and-flowers) reader and also thinking about when the boundaries of nature and technology blend and eventually disappear. i started to think about what a garden is, what it means to garden, what is the role of flowers in appreciating and practicing rituals and celebrations, slowly forming my point of view and personal philosophy. i liked going through the necessity of gardening by maria barnas, which works as a nice index of important issues and texts. i’m still reading probably one of my most favourite books of all time, modern nature by derek jarman, which i’m trying to read in the same pace as he was writing it (it's structured by months of the year). it inspired me to imagine gardens without borders, without putting too much ego in their establishing and maintenance and reminded me how so many plants we think of as common hold their own special meanings and powers. i'm keeping a diary with short entries and photos [here](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/garden-diary-ktkcfqhsws8) reader. i'd like to make a few lists (or diagrams?) for the next season: list of wild flowers and their blooming periods by month, ideal sowing and planting schedules to have balanced supply of flowers throughout the time, note how many stems and flowers grow from each plant and if it differs from pinched and non-pinched plants, how many days on average does it take here for the plants to bloom after the sowing, at the end of the season think about which plants are most aligned with local climate and soil conditions, also make a note when does the meadow mowing happen (this year the first one was at the ~end of june). one of my favourite activities is to take photos of plants i don't have much knowledge of, use the look up plant function in the photo app and make notes about them from wikipedia. all of them are gathered in this [channel](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/garden-look-up-plant) reader. i’ve always loved to pick flowers and arrange them, so i started to go on more walks, looking at meadows and running through them, bringing bunches of plants and flowers home to test their ability to live in water for a while or dry in a wreath, planning what i’d like to plant in my own part of the garden. https://www.are.na/block/29183429 i wanted to pick plants i either recognize from the meadows around or those that are long-time classics in the gardens in this area. most of them ended up being pretty ‘humble’, a lot of them carrying sentimental value for me: zinnias my grandmother always directly sowed and gave me bunches of for my birthday, calendulas and marigolds having a bittersweet connection to my other grandmother and the house i grew up in, blue cornflowers slowly disappearing from the meadows or flaxplant, which used to be grown in the village decades ago. i added some plants for drying like strawflowers, statice or baby's breath to use in winter. https://www.are.na/block/29183417 few of my favourite excerpts from one straw revolution: https://www.are.na/block/25199511

https://www.are.na/block/26723132

https://www.are.na/block/26750701

https://www.are.na/block/26750723 ## on working together meanwhile i was thinking about the focus drop in communal-software and i realized that we're starting to miss a shared context, both physical and virtual, which i think go hand in hand — when you have a place to meet, you’ll casually start to build a shared theory of the world, right? and when you don't, you build it anywhere else anyway, but the connection slowly starts do disappear. we're not talking about a support structure just because it sounds nice. it was becoming clear that online presence doesn’t cut it. we started to look for spaces with a simple vision in mind at start, while we realised that it would make sense to have our own legal entity of some sort. we had long discussions about what should be the purpose of this association, if it should even be ‘legally official’ at all. eventually we came to the conclusion that it can help us to start emancipating from the university, and until then to maybe hack it along the way. there’s a lot of things on our metaphorical table now: to come up with an idea how to fulfill the second pedagogical position in our studio, help other members to get time as a service internships (which are now mandatory) if they’ll want it, establish conditions for working together in the future, take actions in creating our own space for living and learning ([wtf is: school](https://www.are.na/agdx-sdmoaxv8apq/wtf-is-school) reader), in short: creating and maintaining shared support structure that enables for creating support infrastructure. the pre-final version of our statutes is available to read here. https://www.are.na/block/13299201 have been writing this in my paper notebook for about 2 hours now without distractions (what?) this is how i want to feel on the computer too. i think it's possible, but my guess is it'll take more than just another app that promises the world and ends up being monolith like notion or pain to use as ms word. i wasn't thinking about this, but i didn't need bold or italic yet here on this paper, neither different size of the font. but used underline for potential links, to differentiate the main “heading” and get me in the headspace and mood to write (i like having clear structure even on paper). i also circled around a to-do, but i feel that’s quite modest use of styling? what's also great is that i don't have an internet connection here, in this part of the garden. i can't belive i'm writing this! a mode that runs the program only when you disconnect from the internet? wow and that leads me to another major nodal point which is [the pair living on a boat](https://100r.co/site/uxn_design.html). it inspired me to think about what the minimal hardware is for different actions, and that’s when i learned about weaving software from my friend which is one of my favourite findings ever. i now love to bring it everytime i can (: while talking a bit about the living on a boat situation, we even started to measure things by how close (or far) to the boat things (and each of us personally) are. it’s really easy for me to operate in this dreamy landscape, same as it's easy to crumble under the fact that to establish anything real is super-hard. i’m always oscillating between dreaming and crumbling under something. there're two texts that helped me put into words some things i’ve been thinking about, one of them being [the primacy of winning](https://www.piratewires.com/p/primacy-of-winning-shyam-sankar-palantir) (don't agree ideologically or ethically, but some points are spot on) and the other is [tlon's operating principles](https://tlon.io/post/operating-principles), which are both addressing more or less the same thing: https://www.are.na/block/29295642 https://www.are.na/block/29295661 i realized that these are the roots of the whole dynamic in probably any group and there’s not much to do about it. it can all work only if, i think, we're brutally honest with each other, brutally accepting each other, our own unique sets of traits, specifics, skills and (dis)abilities. that is the layer of relationships that can't be separated from the layer of work, according to me, anyway. but the unsolvable intense tension will be present forever. these things i’m writing about may seem as totally random, but i'm sensing it all comes together sometime somewhere. https://www.are.na/block/3733125 ## on collective futures what are the bare necessities one can live with? when i’m trying to visualize some form of collective future, and how to get there, i don't think it can be a transition from convenient comfort to convenient comfort, which asks for analyzing what (really) makes one's life possible living. i don't know whether it's fitting to call something to be abolished ‘a sacrifice’, maybe it's a sacrifice only when you believe you're giving up something you still want deep down? i’m definitely not an ascetic person by any means or strive to be one, but then, wtf that means! also i don’t think it's necessary to return to a particular period and abolish anything that doesn't fit in, in terms of food, shelter or tech. but i believe we should strive towards emancipating ourselves from the dependencies we’re made to feel as though they are needs or necessities (in reality functioning as remedies or anesthetics?). when i knew my time in the city was coming to an end, i felt like all it did was making me consume — coffee, going to the movies… all it takes is to just tap my phone to the terminal and i’m getting that danish pastry. when i’m not in the city, i have to be more creative and most times actually make something myself from scratch. pick rhubarb in the garden and clean it, prepare the ingredients, get my hands dirty, mind the time and observe while baking, waiting for it to cool down… or digging through soil with my bare hands, most of the time not even using tools, planting and caring about the plants after, without the help of any chemicals. it’s all making me feel more present, focused on the ~now and in addition polishes my skills and patience. https://www.are.na/block/1756114 categories of things i’m thinking about a lot are: clothing and materials used for making it; shelter and materials used for building and furnishing it; food, dinning and ingredients and personal hygiene and our relationship to dirt. i gather all collected materials in my two are.na groups: [wtf is: living](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/index) and [wtf is: clothing](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-clothing/index). ---------- ## on clothing when i was researching the region i grew up in, my favourite part other than reading about rituals was to look at the traditional clothing — simple patterns and shapes, not a lot of decorations, mostly cotton and linen. flaxplant was grown there historically, so i tried sowing a little sample in my garden. after sowing there’s not much other maintenance other than harvesting, it’s sturdy enough to fight pests and there wasn’t much weed around (but then, of course, wtf is: weed). one day i’d really love to try growing it for its fibers and make linen fabric out of it. that would also make an excuse for building a little loom for weaving and we’re back at computers again (: i think the principle around establishing an independent wardrobe is to work with layers. linen is not warm enough for cold winters, so incorporating wool could work well. then the goal is to have a repertoire of various clothing items that can be worn separately and also layered together. for the past 4 years i’ve been having a structural and analytical approach to my wadrobe. i wanted to find my favourite shapes and patterns of the things i wear the most — t-shirts, shirts and trousers, focusing also on the materials, their weight and overall feeling on my body and also the quantities of each. i now have items i’m looking forward to wear for different temperatures – different materials also make the same shape feel differently, so there’s enough space for having different ~moods (silk vs linen or cotton for example). i’m mostly spending time in one place doing the same things, so i’m really trying not to buy anything new and just work with what i have already. in my family we always had clothes for “going out” and clothes for “running around” separately, which i'd ideally like to scratch and just wear what makes me feel good always. during winter i started to learn how to sew and made myself an apron, a pair of trousers and various little bags, one of them for carrying a pair of snips. to be fully self-reliant on hand-made fabrics would change most of the properties, though. basic linen is usually not super stretchy, so items like t-shirts become impossible to construct and wear. incorporating parts for synching, wrapping and various ties is probably the way to go — it's exciting to see some similar principles and approaches to it in traditional clothing across the world. i’d love to know would my wardrobe look like in these conditions, sounds like fun design problems to tackle. https://www.are.na/block/19113731 epilogue the phase i find myself in now is still mostly about preparing the soil and conditions around me. i'm happy about my morning rituals consisting of yoga and meditation which i'm practising every day without even thinking about it, trying to practice (and eat) outside whenever it's possible, not forgetting to water the garden. the roots are thin and not strong enough to ground me, i still get swept up by the wind or rain, which leaves me lying down for a while. learning and observing. coming to terms with the fact that getting to know reality (and myself) is painful but necessary. manifesting plentyful summer for us all,
take care <3 https://www.are.na/block/28501957 ---------- honorable mention to my growing channels: ## garden [garden: diary](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/garden-diary-ktkcfqhsws8) reader
[](https://scroll-arena.vercel.app/garden-diary-ktkcfqhsws8) [garden: look up plant](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/garden-look-up-plant) reader
[garden: notes](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/garden-notes) reader
[garden: prospect cottage](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/garden-prospect-cottage) reader
[katerina doing things](https://www.are.na/katerina/katerina-doing-things) reader
[about gardening, plants and flowers](https://www.are.na/katerina/about-gardening-plants-and-flowers) reader
[collection: plants and flowers](https://www.are.na/kytica/collection-plants-and-flowers) reader
[research: flower is computer is flower](https://www.are.na/kytica/research-flower-is-computer-is-flower) reader
[research: symbolic objects](https://www.are.na/kytica/research-symbolic-objects) reader
## communal-software.axdx [communal.software](https://communal.software/)
[COLLECTION (zine.axdx) [#1] {communal-software.axdx}](https://www.are.na/communal-software-axdx/collection-zine-axdx-1-communal-software-axdx) reader
[CASUAL (excerpts) {communal-software.axdx}](https://www.are.na/communal-software-axdx/casual-excerpts-communal-software-axdx) reader
[CASUAL (mood) {communal-software.axdx}](https://www.are.na/communal-software-axdx/casual-mood-communal-software-axdx) reader
## axdx [statutes of the association [pre-final]
## excerpts from books [source: book {abolish the family; sophie lewis}](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/source-book-abolish-the-family-sophie-lewis) reader
[source: book {after work; helen hester; nick srnicek}](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/source-book-after-work-helen-hester-nick-srnicek) reader
[source: book {everyday utopia; kristen ghodsee}](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/source-book-everyday-utopia-kristen-ghodsee) reader
[source: book {modern nature; derek jarman}](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/source-book-modern-nature-derek-jarman) reader
[source: book {sex, botany and empire; patricia fara}](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/source-book-sex-botany-and-empire-patricia-fara) reader
[source: book {the one-straw revolution; masanobu fukuoka}](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/source-book-the-one-straw-revolution-masanobu-fukuoka) reader
[source: book {tools for conviviality; ivan illich}](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/source-book-tools-for-conviviality-ivan-illich) reader
[source: book {women, fire and dangerous things; george lakoff}](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/source-book-women-fire-and-dangerous-things-george-lakoff) reader
## misc [learning (cozy) computing](https://www.are.na/katerina/learning-cozy-computing) reader
[about connectedness](https://www.are.na/katerina/about-connectedness) reader
[about minds and bodies](https://www.are.na/katerina/about-minds-and-bodies) reader
[about time](https://www.are.na/katerina/about-time-w051x1te6ma) reader
[season: spring](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/season-spring) reader
[season: summer](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/season-summer) reader
[season: autumn](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/season-autumn) reader
[season: winter](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/season-winter) reader
[season: all](https://www.are.na/wtf-is-living/season-all) reader
[location: valašsko etc {cz}](https://www.are.na/kytica/location-valassko-etc-cz) reader
[MOOD (random)](https://www.are.na/katerina/mood-random) reader
[manifesting: SS24](https://www.are.na/katerina/manifesting-ss24) reader

https://www.are.na/block/16057911